Whenever I feel like

I feel I need a haircut. A haircut that would give me something more than just different hair. I feel I would like to change. What’s wrong with me? I just feel this urge to change. I am surrounded by uninspiring environment. I guess I shouldn’t complain. It gets worse. I mean there are things that inspire me here and there, but nothing big. I miss that stimulation that changes me. That moves me forwards. Like in Vilnius. For some strange unexplainable reason every sound, view and smell inspires me. That city. Any city really. I just want to discover something new to add to my collection of sensations. Not be stuck. I know I’m not. I know people who are even more stuck in a routine than I am.

I spent today running around. And yesterday. From one corner to another. Like a blind hen. UCL told me to apply through UCAS. Hopefully that works out. So much depends on it. Been doing loads of work lately too. Want to get through as much as possible. Geoff is coming next week. We have so much planned. But in the end I guarantee we will end up not doing it. We will just spend time lazying around. Cafes, shops, seaside, city, walks, staying in bed all day, walking in circles, not doing anything, but doing everything we need to do. I just love spending time with him. Not more not less. That’s why I would happily spend all my time in my life with him. He knows me by now. Even if I do change. And I adore his personality. It is going to be the best time next week. Just two days left.

I’m lost in all this world

I’m listening to Alina Orlova. I love her music. It’s like my life. So bumpy, so dynamic, intense and pretty. I can see my life going past in pictures, like in an old film. Frames. In french. So beautiful.

I saw her quite a few times in Vilnius oldtown during this week. Today even twice. Wow.

I have the pictures of the town I have taken yesterday with my old Zenit camera. I’m pleased. People said they were certainly different. Urbanized historical architecture, streets, old buildings and well, Vilnius the way I see it. I will try to take more photos from now on.

You know. I thought and thought and thought again. I think too much. I want to just enjoy it.

I realised I have never been so happy before. I’m in love, next year is going to be exciting and new, since I’m off to uni, I can listen to music I love, wear the most amazing clothes, take pictures of the cities I adore, paint and read poetry all I want. There is nothing missing in my life. Most people like me, and I love everyone. It’s too perfect to be true.

And so I have my life in my hands, just like a crystal ball, so beautiful and so fragile. The earth is spinning. Times flows like a river.

Am I happy with “myself”? Maybe. I’m ok. But I’d like to stop wondering so much if I’m worthy enough to have what I have. Just to live. Take most. Give most.

i like when people are happy. I feel a need to give something to someone. Somehow. I just don’t feel complete if I don’t spread something good.

Also i have a bad habit of over analysing things. I will try to just live. Nothing matters but this minute. Now.

And I’m free.

Not even a cloud

No clouds in the horizon. This is the way summers go here.

This is good. The absence of thoughts in my head. I can act completely spontaneous. I can sit and read in the balcony surrounded by vines, I can go and walk around the old town, look at people, world moving chaotically in the streets. I can read or write poetry in the cafes, when I’m inspired by the city. Shame that more and more of franchised cafes are appearing in Vilnius. Time still disappears here. It transforms into a sea of sounds, forms, emotions and movements.

Like in a dream this reality seems made up.