hey

i need you. i need you. i need you.

i just take my ipod and listen to sounds.  sit and wait.

so what that there are people around. they are just a background.

nothing makes me forget you even for a while. nothing.

just sea make me love you without dying.

Something is going to happen someday… soon

My life is so bizarre. I don’t know. Everything is just too much to take in. So I take it in at one time. A tiny bit at a time. Live each day.

Last week is still in my head. I loved every second of it. All of it. Except the times when I had to go to lectures. But even those times weren’t too bad because I had something to look forward to. Like G sitting in my room by my laptop or walking somewhere in Brighton. I could just finish my lecture and go “home”. Or to meet him. My room suddenly became my home, and Brighton suddenly became my lovely town where I live. Just this simple fact that he was here made it home. And I felt like I want to live like this forever. Just carelessly be. Walk around. Eat around. Appreciate the sunset and stare at the world passing near by.

This week is completely opposite. It is passing fast, unnoticed. I just do what I have to do to get through each day. The things I do on the side seem so unimportant too. Maybe except today when after pizza me and A&D went to the sea. The sea was so powerful, the magical sound of pebbles, darkness, moon, mist, cold breeze. I could have stood there forever. Just breathing in the sea.

Friday tomorrow. Two tests. A session. This and that. Get ready. Go. Get ready, go. I don’t like this sort of routine. I need freedom. But as soon as I’m finished I’ll go to Reading. To G. Stay over for the night. Be with him for a night, then go home for Saturday then see him on Sunday. Can’t wait. Can’t wait. It feels good because I know he probably can’t wait either. We both are stuck in routines, and times when we see each other are the only happy times we get in the whole week. When we feel full. Like it’s supposed to be like that.

Carpe diem. Just because D said today: Mia you are like ‘carpe diem’.

Whenever I feel like

I feel I need a haircut. A haircut that would give me something more than just different hair. I feel I would like to change. What’s wrong with me? I just feel this urge to change. I am surrounded by uninspiring environment. I guess I shouldn’t complain. It gets worse. I mean there are things that inspire me here and there, but nothing big. I miss that stimulation that changes me. That moves me forwards. Like in Vilnius. For some strange unexplainable reason every sound, view and smell inspires me. That city. Any city really. I just want to discover something new to add to my collection of sensations. Not be stuck. I know I’m not. I know people who are even more stuck in a routine than I am.

I spent today running around. And yesterday. From one corner to another. Like a blind hen. UCL told me to apply through UCAS. Hopefully that works out. So much depends on it. Been doing loads of work lately too. Want to get through as much as possible. Geoff is coming next week. We have so much planned. But in the end I guarantee we will end up not doing it. We will just spend time lazying around. Cafes, shops, seaside, city, walks, staying in bed all day, walking in circles, not doing anything, but doing everything we need to do. I just love spending time with him. Not more not less. That’s why I would happily spend all my time in my life with him. He knows me by now. Even if I do change. And I adore his personality. It is going to be the best time next week. Just two days left.