What are my values? My ambitions? My dreams? I have been lost lately. I think I have over complicated everything. Looked for answers too hard. In wrong places. Now I know.
Someone has reminded me in three words: love, beauty and universe.
I want to discover and to appreciate. To admire, to value. I just want to be able to dream. Experience the world. To feel.
Emotions is what makes life worthwhile. All the feelings.
You know. I’m back in UK. And it sucks. Apart from the fact that Geoff is here. Because right now it’s the only thing that makes it bearable.
Reasons why UK sucks:
Too organised? I just meant that everything is always sorted out for you. Which means I don’t need to move a finger. Which is boring. And also everything is commercialised to the point where individuality disappears. And there are loads of rubbish on the streets. I can’t wait until I live in Brighton.
I’m sorry I’m so grumpy today.
Categories: Randomness
Tagged: UK, World
I’m listening to Alina Orlova. I love her music. It’s like my life. So bumpy, so dynamic, intense and pretty. I can see my life going past in pictures, like in an old film. Frames. In french. So beautiful.
I saw her quite a few times in Vilnius oldtown during this week. Today even twice. Wow.
I have the pictures of the town I have taken yesterday with my old Zenit camera. I’m pleased. People said they were certainly different. Urbanized historical architecture, streets, old buildings and well, Vilnius the way I see it. I will try to take more photos from now on.
You know. I thought and thought and thought again. I think too much. I want to just enjoy it.
I realised I have never been so happy before. I’m in love, next year is going to be exciting and new, since I’m off to uni, I can listen to music I love, wear the most amazing clothes, take pictures of the cities I adore, paint and read poetry all I want. There is nothing missing in my life. Most people like me, and I love everyone. It’s too perfect to be true.
And so I have my life in my hands, just like a crystal ball, so beautiful and so fragile. The earth is spinning. Times flows like a river.
Am I happy with “myself”? Maybe. I’m ok. But I’d like to stop wondering so much if I’m worthy enough to have what I have. Just to live. Take most. Give most.
i like when people are happy. I feel a need to give something to someone. Somehow. I just don’t feel complete if I don’t spread something good.
Also i have a bad habit of over analysing things. I will try to just live. Nothing matters but this minute. Now.
And I’m free.
Categories: Feelings · World · city
Tagged: city, freedom, Life, music, orlova, people, photography, Vilnius
Some people say I’m a conformist. Some call me dippy. I change. Is it wrong. There are many mes. And they all have something incommon. And that incommon is the real me. I don’t conform. I’m diverse. So it might seem I’m conforming. I’m an individual and it makes me sad to know that some people can’t see it.
I am a weirdo. So what? I love everyone anyway.
I’ve been dancing with myself a lot today.
Categories: Feelings · Randomness
Tagged: conformist, individual, Life, me, people, weirdo
I understand. The purpose of life. That long debated purpose and reason and all the questions. Life doesn’t stand. And we shouldn’t care or worry about life. It flows itself. People have influence. But they can’t stop it. So they shouldn’t try.
I want to kill the logic inside me. The instinct. The common sense. To live my fantasy.
Sounds around me. City around me. Inspiration.
Where have I been? Now I see it. I want to create. To be influenced by what I adore. By these little things. I feel like I’m on drugs.
My favourites are film and poetry. And painting. And drawing. You can express such an amplitude of emotions. It makes it art. The flow of feelings. Becoming material.
I need to get my camera back. I want to film. For now I will buy some pastels and paper. And books.
Categories: Feelings · Life
Tagged: art, emotions, inspiration, Life
